Fully Fledged Monster
by TwasTheNargles
Summary: Remus Lupin is a werewolf. His life centres around his condition. Once a month, he becomes a fully fledged monster. Rating for occasional bad language.
1. Living Nightmare

AN: This is my first ever fanfiction. I know it's short, but if I get any decent reviews I promise I'll write more, longer, chapters. If you've read it, review it! Please? XD

WEREWOLF.  
>It was written everywhere. Those giant, blood red letters screamed out like sirens. I turned around, but that word kept materialising where ever I looked. I ran through the corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but there was no escape from the truth. What I was horrified me beyond belief, more than it could ever horrify others. But still the word gleamed from every surface, be it wall, ceiling or floor.<p>

WEREWOLF.  
>I stopped running and felt my knees collapse as if I had fallen victim to a jelly legs jinx. I somehow managed to stand up, and I saw that the word had printed itself on my patched trousers. I reached for my wand and found it in my jacket pocket.<p>

Tergeo!  
>The spell had no effect upon the words.<p>

I looked up, and saw the crescent moon suddenly turn into the glowing orb that so many students mistook for a crystal ball. I screamed as my pupils dilated and my body and brain became no longer under my control.

My own screaming became fainter, then louder again, as if it were a radio tuning in and out. As it reached its maximum volume, my eyes opened. I closed my mouth and found myself sitting in bed.

I was safe.

But still…

WEREWOLF.

It was all I could think about, at the moment, all that I feared, ever. I looked at my surroundings, the dormitory that became my home since I received a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I reached out and held the clear sphere that was sitting on the chest of drawers next to my four-poster bed. As soon as it touched the palm of my hand, it glowed red. What was I forgetting?

I looked out to the sky.

The remembrall turned clear.

WEREWOLF.


	2. Introducing

**A/N: See that review button there? Don't click it. It's evil. Just kidding, it's my best friend. Except you, if you click it. And yes, I have lost sight of why I'm writing this. Thanks to WiccanWeasley101 and he he eh for reviewing, and Tudor-Boleyn for giving me the name for the DADA teacher.**

The remembrall hit the ground with a thump. A very loud thump.

One of the other boys in the Gryffindor second year dormitory woke and sat up with a start.

"What? Who died? I'm armed!" He scrambled for his wand before I stopped him.

"S'alright Sirius, just dropped this thing." I indicated the remembrall that was on the floor by my bed. "Accio!" It zoomed into my hand, remaining clear as I held it. I had remembered what I needed to.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You _know _I can't get back to sleep after I wake up. It's still dark, as well! Merlin, Remus…." He smirked. I knew well enough not to take him seriously. "Anyway…" He continued, "None of these lumps are awake yet, must be sleeping _really _deep. So, if they're not awake by now, with us two talking, I'm pretty damn sure this won't make any difference.." Sirius reached for his wand and grabbed it. "Lumos!" The room was bathed in light, the maroon colours turning into bright red, the browns turning into majestic gold.

A slim, bespectacled boy with brown eyes and untidy hair had just groaned loudly. "Lemme go back to sleep… five more minutes… Why're you awake?"

"Dropped my remembrall, it made a fair noise." I once again indicated the remembrall, which now resided on my bedside table. "Surprised it's not broken, really."

Sirius tilted his head, his long black hair following it. "Why'd you have that out in the first place?"

"Woke up from a nightmare and got bored." I hated having to lie to my friends, and I certainly wasn't proud of it, but by now I was pretty good at it. The truth was that I was missing something, something I had been missing for a while now, and I needed to confirm what it was. It came as a shock when I had remembered.

"Aw, did little Remsy have a bad dream?" Sirius joked. I threw a pillow at him. It missed.

"Matter of fact, Sirius, I did." He threw the pillow back at me, which I caught and rested my head on.

"How on Earth you two are awake at this time in the morning, I will never know." The boy with the scruffy hair was now burying his head under a pillow, which he quickly decided would be put to better use if it were thrown. He raised his head slightly to aim, and… "Shit." James swore under his breath and pulled his duvet over his head, before the boy who was just hit by the pillow could wake up properly.

Sirius and I stifled laughs as the boy stirred.

A short, plump boy turned over onto his stomach and snored.

Sirius couldn't contain himself anymore, and burst out laughing. The snoring stopped and the boy woke up.

"Hi, Peter."

Several hours later, we found ourselves in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Professor Bing clapped his hands. "Today, we will be studying Boggarts."


	3. Boggarts

**A/N: WOO! Views and reviews! Thanks to Tudor-Boyeln and WiccanWeasley101 for the reviews, and Joe Walker's A VILF for the mention (check out her stories!). You are the people that keep me writing. x) **

I blanched.

Professor Bing continued. "Can anyone tell me what a boggart is?"

I timidly raised my hand, along with a ginger-haired, green-eyed girl, who was also a Gryffindor.

"Evans?" He prompted her.

"A boggart is a creature that changes shape, depending on the viewer's worst fear."

I liked Lily Evans. I had helped her with spellwork, and she often helped me with potions. I definitely wasn't the only one that liked her. I could see James looking at her, as he did whenever she was near. He would have had a chance with her, if he stopped bullying her best friend! I knew he was jealous, but he took things too far, and I had let him know.

"Perfect. Take ten points for Gryffindor. Now, defeating a boggart requires you point your wand and say," Professor Bing hesitated for a moment to make sure everyone was listening, "Riddikulus! Everybody repeat after me. Riddikulus!"

"Riddikulus!" the entire class echoed.

"However, it requires more than just the correct words and pronunciation. The thing that defeats a boggart is _laughter_! So, you need to picture your worst fear, and make it funny. I will give you four minutes to do so, before you face the boggart."

In the four minutes that followed, the entire room was so silent you could hear a quill drop (except for the occasional person muttering their solution to themselves). I had next to no clue about how I would make my worst fear, funny. But I would when I reached the boggart, I knew I would. All too soon, it was time.

We lined up before the boggart. I watched as it turned into a spider to a decapitated body, from a lethifold to Gellert Grindewald.

I was face to face with the boggart, which was currently in the shape of a sunbathing zombie. Professor Bing hastily stepped in front of me as I was preparing to face my worst fear.

"Riddikulus!" He exclaimed, pointing his wand at the Grim in front of him, which promptly started to chase its tail. As everyone except me laughed, the boggart vanished. "Nice work." He smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his cold grey eyes.

As the rest of my peers left, I saw him looking at me. Those grey eyes were now filled with revulsion and hatred.


	4. Gone

**A/N: Wow. Thanks to everyone who's read this, alerted, favourited and reviewed. You are what keeps me writing. This is quite a short chapter because this and the next one were meant to be merged, but thought you'd prefer a short chapter now than a long one in about a month. And I'mma let you get on with the story now.**

Everything around me seemed to slow down. Nothing that was happening near me mattered anymore. I was rooted to the spot, my eyes fixed to his, wanting to tear away but somehow not being able to. He looked down at the papers on his desk. I saw his lips start to form a silent word.

Please, I begged inside my own head, please, please don't say it, please…

Werewolf.

I felt myself being drained of all colour and emotion.

Werewolf.

All I saw were indistinct, blurred, spinning shapes, rushing to leave the room.

Werewolf.

Silence.

A slam, a shout.

Silence.

"Remus?" a voice called out from miles away. "Remus?"

I blinked and saw that I was alone.

"Remus?" The voice was closer now.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure leaning against the doorframe, smirking.

"Still in here? Blimey, even Bing's gone. Come on, let's get some food already!" It was Sirius . I recognized his voice and long black hair, even though I couldn't see his face for the angle I was standing at. "Are you alright?" He added, noticing my tone and expression."

I swallowed. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Professor Bing hadn't beaten me. Yet.

We made our way to the Great Hall in silence. I ate my dinner in silence. I felt oddly disconnected from everyone around me, like the world was only a cheap copy or a wishful fantasy of the real thing. As strange as this feeling was, I knew what was causing it. These people weren't like me. They were unpolluted and whole. And I, a monster.

I was the first of my friends to leave the Gryffindor table. I found myself in the common room, knowing that I had walked there, but not remembering the journey. There was a textbook in front of me. I looked over the words, knowing them, but not understanding. None of it mattered. All that it mattered was what I was going to do that night.

_Several hours later… _**(A/N :Everything from here onwards is in 3****rd**** person. Until I say it's back to Remus.) **

"James! Oi, James, wake up!"

"Merlin, Sirius, do you _want_ me to have a heart attack?" James whispered loudly. "What's up, why're you waking me up?"

"Remus just left the dorm."

**A/N: Listening to 'Alex Reads Twilight' whilst writing really doesn't help the cheeriness of the chapter. And if anyone reviews, can you suggest a name for this chapter? **


	5. Exposed

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone that's reviewed, favourite etc. This is the first chapter I didn't write on my phone in the early hours of the morning. And I felt like I owed you a long chapter. You, yes you. You, personally.**

"What?" The tone of voice James used reflected the amount of shock on his face. "Why'd he do that?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's what we need to find out, isn't it? Remus wouldn't usually leave the dorm, would he? He wouldn't want to break the rules, or keep something from us. It must be something really big, we need to find him!"

"Come on then, what're you waiting for?" James jumped out of bed and grabbed his invisibility cloak, which he had conveniently found in his father's trunk last year. He turned and faced another boy's bed, suddenly. "What should we do about Peter? He'd want to come as well."

"Let him sleep."

"Ok."

They slowly walked out of their dorm, through the common room, and clambered out of the portrait hole. The Fat Lady woke up, startled, and looked around. But nobody was there.

Nobody, except for a thin boy at the end of the corridor.

"There he is, look!" James whispered a little too loudly.

Sirius stamped on his foot. "You're invisible, Remus isn't deaf!"

"So very sorry." James's voice dripped with sarcasm, and his eyes were watering.

"So, what should we do now?"

"I don't know, you're the one making the plans!"

"When did I ever say that?"

"You didn't. You implied it." James grinned.

Sirius grinned as well. "I say we follow him, whatever he's doing. He's allowed to have adventures, isn't he? We'll be like bodyguards. Only go visible if he's in trouble. Clear?"

"Bodyguards it is." James puffed out his chest jokingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes again, still grinning. He looked in front of them. "Shit, we've lost him!"

"Don't be so panicky. He's just round the corner, I'm sure of it. Lucky one of us doesn't lose our heads in a," he did air-quotation-marks, "crisis."

He was, as James said, just around the corner. They remained in silence for the rest of the time they were following him. Suddenly, Remus went into one of the old, disused classrooms.

"Should we go in with him?" Sirius asked.

"Nah, there's nowhere else to go from in there. Just stay here, I say. If we hear anything out of the ordinary, then we go in."

Sirius nodded in agreement.

**Remus's POV.**

I was going to do it. I knew there was nobody to help me if I got into trouble. I also knew that nobody came down here. No-one used the classroom or those near it, so there was no point patrolling the corridor.

I was alone.

Alone, apart from the rattling trunk in front of me, which I was staring at. I knew what was in it. I didn't know what it would look like when I let it out. I didn't know if I had wanted to know.

Professor Bing's disgusted face flashed in front of me. My expression became stony.

**I had to beat him.**

"Alohomora!" The lock on the trunk clicked. The lid was slowly lifted. It flew open. Out clambered…

"Sirius?"

**(A/N: I know in PoA Remus's boggart was a full moon, but people change, and so do their fears.)**

"Don't look at me, werewolf." Sirius sneered and looked away.

A pop, and it was now James facing me. "You're a monster. I can't believe I ever _talked_ to you."

I now knew why Professor Bing hadn't let me face the boggart. As much as he hated me for what I was, he had to make sure that no-one knew what I was. It would have been obvious, had my boggart started calling me a werewolf in front of everyone.

I raised my wand at the sneering James. "No, it's not James." I told myself firmly. "It's a boggart. It's not James, he wouldn't do this. Riddikulus!"

The boggart didn't change shape. There was nothing I could do to make this funny, except change myself. I was a monster, I knew I was.

James- no, the boggart- sneered. "Is the half-breed scared? No-one cares about werewolves, Remus. No-one. Do you know why? It's because everyone wants them dead, the disgusting monsters that they are, that _you_ are."

James had gone, Peter was now staring at me. "Everyone hates you."

"Riddikulus! RIDDIKULUS!"

Peter- the boggart- moved towards me. "We're never talking to you again. Not me, not James, not Sirius."

"No… please…" I backed into the table behind me. It shifted slightly, and I heard something fall onto it with a resounding crash.

Sirius was back again. "You're not to speak to us, either? Are you clear? We don't want anything to do with you."

I whimpered. "Please.. it's not my fault… please don't leave me.." My knees buckled, and I hit the floor.

The door flew open.


	6. The Ugly Truth

**A/N: OMR. All these positive reviews almost made me cry. LOVE YOU GUYS. *glomps y'all*  
>RecaLupin, sure, as long as you mention me.<br>Sorry it's been so long! MAJORMAJORMAJOR writer's block. It's not my best, and I hoped that it would be longer, but I wanted to give you a chapter sooner than later.  
>So.. Yeah. I write this for you, so I hope you enjoy it. <strong>

There was no-one there.

It was just the wind, Remus. No-one's going to help you. You could scream or yell for help, but no-one's going to help you. You have to face the boggart yourself. _You have to. _

"Riddikulus!" I summoned all the energy I had and tried to make the boggart funny.

It didn't change.

There was nothing funny about this. There was nothing I could do to make it better. The whole world hated me… and others of my kind hated them. I knew I could never hate the world. I _wanted _to be part of it.

But I couldn't be.

I was a werewolf.

A disgusting, foul, murderous werewolf.

I looked into the boggart's dull, empty eyes. I saw my own reflected in them. Mine, glazed with tears, were full of hope. The boggart's, although admittedly not understanding the world around it, were dead. It wasn't living, merely surviving. Was that what I'd be reduced to? Would my eyes one day be deadened and cold, not caring, along with others, if I live or die?

"No." I told myself. The sound echoed off the walls of the near-empty room, my voice wavering with uncertainty and sorrow. "_No!" _My voice was louder, this time, but if it were possible, the uncertainty and fear in it grew.

The tears streamed down my face like rivers.

I was going to die a lonely, bitter man.

And no-one would care when I did…

I put my hands over my head and sobbed. There was no shame in crying, at least when the only other being in the room didn't know what was going on. It was chanting 'Werewolf' now, switching shape after every time it opened its mouth. I stopped caring what _it_ thought I feared the most. Deep down, I knew that reality was worse than my most terrifying nightmares.

I stopped hearing words and my vision blurred. All that mattered to me was what was going to happen to me; whether I should numb the pain for a while, or tell James, Sirius and Peter what I was, and have done with it.

I had made my choice.

I was going to tell them; but not yet.

I couldn't stop crying.


End file.
